Companionship
by Candelabra
Summary: In which Poofy Hat and Table-kun find comfort in one another after the tragic results of Zero Requiem.


**A/N: **I can't believe I just wrote this. It is pure and utter crack, written for a kink meme (so no, my twisted mind is not completely responsible for this). Also my first ever attempt at humour (that I've posted, anyway)

**Warnings: **Vague spoilers for series, inanimate object sex...?

* * *

After the Zero Requiem was complete, someone had the presence of mind to remove the Demon Emperor's hat from its lonely resting place on the float. This someone could not have had very good intentions toward it, as the poor hat was stashed away in this person's pocket and travelled many miles to eventually end up in unfamiliar territory.

Alone and morning its dearly departed owner, the hat descended into a depression. It watched with apathy from its place of honour on a small pedestal on the table as teenagers in yellow and black school uniforms went about their business in the room, laughing and talking and occasionally glancing at it with curiosity. Once in awhile it would be given quite a bit of attention as a student explained that this exquisitely detailed and most beautiful white hat had once belonged to the Emperor Lelouch, who had apparently at one time attended this school.

The hat cared nothing for any of this. It was so lonely... at first it wished desperately for its owner to come and remove it from this place, impossible though that may be now that he was dead. Eventually it came to wish for anyone, anyone at all, to lift it and wear it and give it meaning in its existence. But nobody even dared touch the poor hat, awed as they were by the status and crimes of its previous owner.

One day, it so happened that while everyone was out a cat jumped up and knocked it off the pedestal. The hat fell onto the edge of the table, teetering over the drop to the floor.

For a moment, utterly depressed, the hat considered ending it all.

Then —

__

Little hat, are you lonely?

The hat twitched. _Who's there?_

The voice sighed. _I am the table that you have been resting upon these past few weeks. I have been listening in to your thoughts for quite awhile, now, and you have had so many very sad things to say... I have wanted so badly to speak to you all this time, but I've never quite managed to get up the nerve to ask. Only now that you are lying here, pressed directly against my polished hard wood surface... _The voice sighed again, sounding a little sad, a little wistful.

The hat shifted uncomfortably._Ah. I'm sorry if I've been depressing..._

_No, no, it's quite alright. I know well the feeling of loss._

Through its own self-pity, the hat felt a bit of curiosity. _You do?_

__

Yes. You see, there was a girl here, before, who used to be quite kind to me. She used to do... the most wonderful things to me...

The table sighed again at the memories.

The hat felt vaguely embarrassed by this revelation, and curled a little into itself.

_Ah, yes, _said the table, creaking in pleasure. _Please... I would like to experience such lovely things again..._

Suddenly, a whole new flood of emotions took hold of a hat. Its mourning and depression lifted, replaced by curiosity and a strange feeling of desire.

As the table shuddered, the hat crept along the edge until it found the corner. _I have never done this before,_ it admitted to the table.

_That's quite alright, _said the table, _you're doing fine. Please..._

The hat steeled itself, and thenwith a little shudder launched itself onto the corner and rubbed up and down with its inside bits against the old, polished hardwood surface of the table.

It was not long before the table bucked a little and creaked loudly to signify its climax, and the hat rode up and down only a moment more before it reached its own. Shuddering with exertion, the hat pulled itself away from the corner and lay utterly spent against the hardwood table once more.

_Thank you, _said the table after some time had passed. _I really needed that. I have been so lonely, you see, but now that you are here..._

_Yes, I see, _replied the hat, and it did. It no longer wished for an owner — the table was everything it needed. Content with their newfound companionship, hat and table nestled against each other and waited for the day to begin again.

Meanwhile, the cat who had knocked the hat onto the table in the first place, quietly slunk out of the room, torn between satisfaction at a job well done and horror at what it had just witnessed.


End file.
